Applying for a job and communicating with potential employers during your job search is far different than when I was young. I’m going to date myself a bit here, but let’s discuss the Good Old Days: You had to go (in person!) to businesses and request a paper (paper!) application to fill out and turn in (in person!) when you were interested in [read as: parents required you to get] a job.
Yeah. I kid you not.
Some of you might not even know what a paper application looks like, let alone how to fill it out. With a pen. Not a pencil. And not in some sweet, neon-pink ink but plain old blue or black. Once you finished filling out your application two or three times because inevitably you made some kind of misstep with your pen and didn’t have a delete key…and did everything you could to make sure it wasn't crumpled or creased or had some kind of food or drink stain on it…you would need to return it to the correct business. After all, it would be kind-of embarrassing to turn in the wrong application, and let’s be honest, if you applied for McDonalds, you also applied for Arby’s, Taco Bell, and Subway.
THEN, having successfully navigated the application process, you would wait for an interested potential employer to call you. On your land line.
Not so, today.
Today, an intrepid candidate can scroll through postings on his/her phone, tablet, or computer, click the 'One-Click Apply' button, fill out a name, phone number, and (sometimes) email address.
Modern technology! So few pens required!
[Sidebar: I looked recently and could not find a pen in blue or black ink in my house. I could only find pens in the equivalent of sweet, neon-pink ink because my mother enjoys those adult coloring books and leaves her pens lying around the house.]
There is still the part about waiting for potential employers to reach out. That remains true, although nowadays the options are to call, email, or text. In my line of work, we will call and text. If your phone is disconnected, we will go one more step to email you.
[Sidebar: You'd be surprised at how many disconnected phone numbers I have called. I suppose this could be a combination of an innocent typo, not paying a phone bill, or getting some kind of kick out of filling out junk job applications. Who knows?]
Regardless of the communication medium, though, the formula for reaching out to a candidate is pretty straightforward:
"Hello, So-and-so. We received your application for a [job title] at [Company X] and would like to speak further with you. Please give our office a call to complete a brief phone interview: [office number provided]. Thank you."
What I truly enjoy are some of application text responses we get back:
Text: We're following up on your application...
Response: F*** you
Text: We're following up on your application...
Response: Stop! If you don't stop, I will report you for illegally obtaining my phone number and harassing me.
Text: We're following up on your application...
Response: [dick pic]
[Sidebar: In the probably hundreds of thousands of texts we've sent, I'm honestly shocked we have only received one of these. Upon receipt, one of my coworkers commented: "Anyone else see that pic in the textbox? Should we let them know that we feel it would be a good idea they seek medical attention right away?" We did not end up advising the person reach out to a healthcare provider, but it was, and still is, hilarious.]
Anyway, you get the idea. In my office there are a few of us who enjoy sending a reply back to the somewhat hostile application follow-up text responses:
Applicant text: F*** you
Our response: We appreciate the suggestion but will need to decline and will make a note that you are not interested in the position for which you applied.
Applicant text: Stop! If you don't stop, I will report you for illegally obtaining my phone number and harassing me.
Our response: We're sorry you feel that way and were just using the information you freely supplied on your application to reach out and discuss the employment opportunity in which you were interested. We will remove you from our list and mark you as uninterested. Thank you and have a nice day.
Applicant text: [dick pic]
Our response (which was carefully and thoroughly discussed between two of us): Thank you.
Entertainment quota satisfied, we weren't really interested in getting any more pictures of genitalia or other inappropriate things, mind you, so we felt it best to circumcise any opportunity for future communication with the individual by blocking his number.
[Sidebar: Yes, all puns were intended and a procedure which, if you care to know—and which I'm going to share whether you care to know or not—this particular man had not gone through.]
One last comment: If you reply to a potential employer's application follow-up text with 'F*** you' or anything of a similar nature, do not reapply in the future and then get angry at us for rejecting your application. You have already demonstrated what a professional adult you are not. Thank you.
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