You know, there are a lot of words in the English language. In fact, it’s kind of a thing: English is a language with one of the largest vocabularies in the world. Which is pretty significant when you consider the fact that there are thousands of different languages in the world. Because English is so large, it stands to reason there are a lot of words that are either interchangeable or irrelevant such that the meaning of any one statement is not changed.
For example:
'Read a book that you will enjoy.'
'Read a book which you will enjoy.'
'Read a book you will enjoy.'
In practice, they all say the same thing to us normal folk.
[Sidebar: Sure, if you're a linguistics scholar, I'm sure you could provide a lengthy treatise on which one of the above statements is more correct than the other. Rest assured I’m not interested. Or, if I’m being a b***h, please assume THAT I’m not interested. Ha. #publicschooleducation]
Other examples: Beige, tan, khaki, and light brown. Interchangeable for the most part. Unless you are a wedding planner obsessed with napkin color schemes, I suppose.
You know what's not interchangeable? The use of the word 'and' versus 'point'. Specifically, the use of ‘and’ versus ‘point’ when discussing temperature.
I know, I know. “Eh?” is the first thought in everyone’s head. Let me explain:
I took a call from a lady who stated she couldn't go to work because her child was ill.
Lady: I can't go to work today.
Me: Why won't you be able to make it in?
In the span of about 2 seconds, a whole lot of stuff went through my mind. In order, let’s review:
Holy shit!
You should probably be less concerned about daycare and more concerned about getting that kid to the hospital.
Wait. A hundred and eight? No way.
You're obviously an idiot for more than one reason.
Let me give you a bit of a science lesson. [Cue the groans for those of you who hate education and only come to this blog for entertainment. Deal with it. You can learn stuff while you're being entertained.] The average human body has a nominal temperature of 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. When you get too cold, hypothermia can set in. This usually happens when the body's temperature drops below 95 degrees. Doesn't seem like 3.6 is a whole lot of degrees, does it?
Not particularly, but getting too cold reduces bloodflow to your extremities, leading to the possibility of damage to extremities, then loss of extremities, and worst case, death. Not optimal, clearly.
Let's look at the flip side. When your body is fighting an infection of sorts, it will heat up as it's working to kill off whatever microscopic invaders decided to wage war with your white blood cells. Thus, you get a fever. According to our most favored internet search engine, a temperature of 100.4 degrees is considered a fever, though it can spike a bit. Again, doesn't seem like a huge fluctuation off that nominal baseline of 98.6 degrees, huh? Well, it's not, but the body does its thing, and that thing is usually a good job keeping itself at the optimum temperature for living.
Way to go, human body. (!)
So, what happens if you get too hot? Heat stroke. 104 degrees. Like hypothermia causing problems, heat stroke also causes problems: muscle breakdown, neurological issues, damage to internal organs, and, worst case, death if you get too hot. Also not optimal.
Let's get back to the lady who called in because her kid was sick. If the human body is 98.6 degrees, a fever is 100.4 degrees, and heat stroke is 104 degrees…what do you think happens if the body gets to 108 degrees?
Let me enlighten you: You cook. Literally.
Your brain and the rest of your innards are starting to cook inside you. Much like meat cooks in a crockpot when you 'set it and forget it' (Oh, Ron. How I loved you and your infomercials.). But seriously. 108 degrees is basically death. You might survive if you get immediate medical attention, but you will not come out of that unscathed, and odds are good your mom is not casually calling in late to work.
When this lady calmly told me her kid has a fever of one hundred and eight, all that shit when through my head in about two seconds flat, landing on the 'you're an idiot' before I told her I would make a note that she will not be in today because her kid is sick and ended the call. Calmly? you say. Yes, calmly since there's a 99.99999999% chance that the lady meant one hundred point eight (100.8) degrees, not one hundred and eight (108) degrees. HUGE difference.
(If, on the almost-impossible chance that her kid actually had a 108 fever, well...let’s not go there.)
Comments